Late Night Thoughts - 2 (?)
Well, guess I'm back here again. The clock is 06:11 AM in Sweden but in my mind I do the calculation and find out what the time is back in LA. Maybe that has something to do with why I'm still awake. Maybe it's the jetlag. Maybe I'm just having my usual qualms with insomnia. The latter seems to be the most obvious as well as correct one.
I've been out for a quick smoke, I've eaten a snack and I've scrolled down countless funny webpages but still there is no sleep in sight for me. I use the term "no rest for the wicked" a lot but hey; if the shoe fits, wear it.
I miss the U.S., I do. It's just one of those countries where you can go a nobody and become someone. For a night in San Francisco I was Henry; the debater. I fought hard against no less four foes and I think I came out okay. No one changed their minds but I don't think that's what it's all about. I sure wish that I'll be back there someday soon; the day can't come soon enough for me.
So much to write down, so many thoughts tonight but I need to keep it short or I will not get any sleep at all.
One of my secret and lifelong dreams has been to be able to support myself on my writings. It's not likely to happen since my writings are poor and at best uninteresting, so uninteresting that the people closest to me never bother to read them. But then again, I can't blame them; this world is filled with a lot of crap and to find something Genuine and Good is hard. Hubris is what that sentence reminds me of; my own that is. But I guess we are all entitled to some of that once in a while.
Also I do know that most people, maybe no one, likes my writings but I'm proud of most of them. Sure, I have some pieces I have never liked nor will I ever like but the majority, the Silent Majority if you will, of my work is something I take a lot of pride in as I mentioned. If I'm the only one who will ever read them and appreciate it then it will be just fine since that's one opinion I know won't lie to me or sugarcoat it.
How did I get into this mess? Jesus, I sound desperate and lonely and never mind the Time! Way past bedtime I suppose but then again I'm a grown man, or at least I should be, and I make most of my own rules; there are very few that I need to follow. One perk of getting older but then again there are many more, ey? If I only had the Courage to realize a dream or two.
For how long can a man last without water? What about water for the soul? Streams of Water rather than whiskey if you remember the song. Streams of Inspirational Water that flows from the tip of your own fingers, maybe late at night or maybe never at all.
Well, that's it for me, at least for now.
Dr. H.R.P.
