H.R. Porter

She told him to stop drinking. Now. No more tonight she said. She was the only one that ever paid attention to him. Charlie nodded distractedly and when she went away he emptied that glass of gin. Then he poured himself another one. Charlie hates the taste of gin right now, he has had gin for too long. How he wishes he had some bourbon right there instead but beggers can't be choser, right? So Charlie pours him another glass, happy knowing that she will never now. Charlie smiles as he thinks about it and pours down another glass.

Charlie is okay.

Nu kom jag att tänka på hur jag avslutar mina inlägg (Dr. H.R.P.). En rolig historia bakom det hela faktiskt, hehe. Jag har gjort så med diverse texter i många, många år. Ett tag avslutade jag allt med "Försvarsminister H.", ibland med "Adv. H.", men det vart när jag vart yngre. Ville alltid ha en frän titel framför namnet, som mitt egna aldrig räckte till.

Nuförtiden är det dock "Dr.", vi får se hur länge det håller i sig.






So long,


Dr. H.R.P.

The guys at the factory, that's where Charlie works, are talking. A lot. Charlie's work has suffered lately, not only because of the fact that he's always hung-over but also because Charlie's heart is not in it anymore. Charlie is tired of standing at his machine and doing the same thing, over and over, working the same hours, the same shift and merely surviving.

Charlie's friends know nothing of why this is happening to him and Charlie tells nothing. They don't ask since Charlie has always kept to himself; that's how Charlie is. Charlie knows his reasons; why he drinks and why he looses interest in factory work.

Charlie's an artist, a writer, or he could have been but he never could afford it. He had little money for college, he had no money for freelancing and he couldn't not afford courage. But Charlie is content; after all we all need to survive, even if Charlie now destroys himself slowly. But the factory is where he'll stay, he has to. Charlie thinks of the road not taken; bottoms up, Charlie.

Well, guess I'm back here again. The clock is 06:11 AM in Sweden but in my mind I do the calculation and find out what the time is back in LA. Maybe that has something to do with why I'm still awake. Maybe it's the jetlag. Maybe I'm just having my usual qualms with insomnia. The latter seems to be the most obvious as well as correct one.

I've been out for a quick smoke, I've eaten a snack and I've scrolled down countless funny webpages but still there is no sleep in sight for me. I use the term "no rest for the wicked" a lot but hey; if the shoe fits, wear it.

I miss the U.S., I do. It's just one of those countries where you can go a nobody and become someone. For a night in San Francisco I was Henry; the debater. I fought hard against no less four foes and I think I came out okay. No one changed their minds but I don't think that's what it's all about. I sure wish that I'll be back there someday soon; the day can't come soon enough for me.

So much to write down, so many thoughts tonight but I need to keep it short or I will not get any sleep at all.

One of my secret and lifelong dreams has been to be able to support myself on my writings. It's not likely to happen since my writings are poor and at best uninteresting, so uninteresting that the people closest to me never bother to read them. But then again, I can't blame them; this world is filled with a lot of crap and to find something Genuine and Good is hard. Hubris is what that sentence reminds me of; my own that is. But I guess we are all entitled to some of that once in a while.

Also I do know that most people, maybe no one, likes my writings but I'm proud of most of them. Sure, I have some pieces I have never liked nor will I ever like but the majority, the Silent Majority if you will, of my work is something I take a lot of pride in as I mentioned. If I'm the only one who will ever read them and appreciate it then it will be just fine since that's one opinion I know won't lie to me or sugarcoat it.

How did I get into this mess? Jesus, I sound desperate and lonely and never mind the Time! Way past bedtime I suppose but then again I'm a grown man, or at least I should be, and I make most of my own rules; there are very few that I need to follow. One perk of getting older but then again there are many more, ey? If I only had the Courage to realize a dream or two.

For how long can a man last without water? What about water for the soul? Streams of Water rather than whiskey if you remember the song. Streams of Inspirational Water that flows from the tip of your own fingers, maybe late at night or maybe never at all.

Well, that's it for me, at least for now.




Dr. H.R.P.

Holy Jesus, this sure has been a day of Extreme Paranoia that almost ended in complete emotional breakdown but by the grace of God, or some other entity, I was spared. Believe me when I say that my neck is sore due to constantly turning around and looking for followers, oh yes. The old saying that being paranoid doesn't mean you're not wrong is probably true.

I haven't shaken that feeling still and something still feels wrong. Don't know what or why I feel like this but something must have altered my state of mind terribly. Lack of sleep might have to do something with it but there must be something else lingering inside me. But hey, let us not focus on the negatives. That's my honest opinion and my fucking honest opinion is top-notch!

Vivid and scary dreams seem to be the Way of Life for me lately and I think that the general lack of sleep once again plays a part. When my mind finally gets sleep it's all warped up and creating weird but yet comforting dreams of sorts. How you explain this to someone else sure is hard so let us not try but rather focus on those adjectives, ey?

Death to the Weird; Weird is Comforting. That sounds like a great epitaph for me, indeed. But enough of that, I still got many years in me, if just to annoy the experts of Easy Living. Well, we'll see how that turns out in the end but I'm pretty confident that there is a plan, even for someone like me. The plan might not be Great or Thundering but I'm sure it will be just what I deserve. Alas.

Ah... A quick sniff out of the old test tube sets my world into the right mindset and the feeling of paranoia ebbs away and is replaced by something creative; my Normal State of Paranoia. Oh yes, there is something called Normal Paranoia even though the distinction between Normal and Weird Paranoia when it comes to me is practically none, even on the best of days. But the Normal Paranoia sure can activate my mind and it helps crank out the string of words that slowly turn into Porterian proportions and even more slowly it takes on a life of itself; at least for me it does.

It's always a strange thing to discuss your writing with someone else; it can feel uncomfortable even with the closest of friends. Of course there are people that it never feels strange with and my sister is one of them. But everyone else is not the same of course; no one can take her place. It's strange because it makes you feel more than you are, like you are someone who actually knows what he's doing. But keep on discussing it since it gives me something to write about.

Who's that for an attempt at Fame and Fortune? Obviously lies and half-truths but that's all in Good Spirit.

Well, the night isn't getting any younger and tomorrow is a day with new classes and new opportunities to be seized so




I'll sign off with an affectionate note;

"In the town of broken dreams,
The streets are filled with regret,
Maybe down in lonesome town,
I can learn to forget."

Dr. H.R.P.



PS. Has this note been on the site before today? DS.

- Personlig Sekreterare och Arkivadministratör

Ditt jobb innebär att kopiera inlägg från denna blogg och samla dem en och en i Word-dokument, ge dem namn efter datum samt inläggstitel och sedan ordna upp dem i månader som dem dök upp på bloggen. Bloggen är skriven av Henry Ray Porter, en stigande stjärna i litterära cirklar, vilket givetvis ger dig ett meningsfullt jobb att spendera din tid med. Ditt CV berikas självklart av detta jobb och bara själva förkortningen "H.R.P." (and its subsidiaries) är en kraftig merit för framtida yrken.

Omfattning: Projektanställning på 100 %
Arbetstider: Omfattande men i viss mån flexibla.
Tillträdning: Omgående.
Lön: Pro bono publico.

Anmäl intresse på via kommentar till detta inlägg; alla svar, seriösa såväl som oseriösa uppskattas. Detta är en UNIKT och LÄRORIKT tillfälle så sök fort innan platsen tillsätts. Bifoga CV, personligt brev samt en underhållande anekdot. Talar du serbokroatiska så är det givetvis ett plus.




- H.R.P. Publishing Group

På fredag for jag till Casa Helen, eller inte hennes hus då men ett av hennes två hem. Strange how people root but then again; family is family. Jag tog rätt bussar dit och trots vissa besvär som kan relateras till "genetisk irländsk predisposition" så kom jag fram mer eller mindre i rätt tid och framför allt på rätt plats.
Väl där möttes jag av samma glada tjej som hälsa på mig med sin vanliga fras, haha. Stackars henne, haha, hon måste ju faktiskt stå ut med mig och värre blir det när jag med knackig engelska våldgästar henne i Manchester; Warehouse City.

Hursomhelst...

Åt mat där, fixade med datorn, lekte med hundarna och vart, enligt Helens ord, "ett fint exempel på en tyst norrlänning", haha. Tack Tesa för att du försvara mig men är rädd att Helen har rätt, haha.
Träffa på annat folk där med, trevligt trevligt.

(Just ja, ett nytt ord dök upp på min radar i fredags; buddy. Det ska jag försöka börja använda mera, både på svenska och engelska. Buddy. BUDDY! Buddy. Det låtar bra, ja, den tar vi med.)

Kvällen och natten förflöt mycket bra och vi hade det mycket roligt vill jag då påstå. Helen jobbar på sitt magnus opus och tro mig; den är mycket underhållande. Förlåt för att jag inte skratta, haha, jag har massa annat att tänka på. Eller egentligen inte, jag bara låtsas som det och ljuger så jag borde inte säga det här heller, haha. That's how I roll, buddy.

Dagen efter vart inte lika trevlig eftersom en hel del i hushållet, jag och dem söta tvillingarna undantagna, vart sjuka i vad som verkar vara någon form av spysjuka. Jag mår piggelin (gillar inte uttrycket alls) och med liiite tur så fortsätter det så men som Helen säger "one gets what one deserves." Buddy, ey?

Det vart lite det iallafall, sånt är livet.



So long,

H.R.P.




PS. När jag vänta på bussen så kunde jag inte undgå att tänka på följande låt av Johnny Burnette;

I left my gal sad and lonely, left her standing in the rain
I went down to the railroad, I caught myself a midnight train
[---]
The judge said, take this prisoner to the penitentiary
They put the handcuffs on me, tied me with a ball and chain
I'd left my home forever and I'll never see my gal again
Oh Lord, I'll never see my gal again

That gin-soaked rat bastard!

Yeah, that's me. Sorry Grace, I know I should do better but this is how I roll. I'm not a natural Roller;  I need that edge.

But then again, we have been through this waltz before and we know how it ends. But I still think I got that edge, no matter how I upset you; I'm Reverend Mr. Black (like The Kingston Trio sang). Yeah, I know you're Grace. You trump me.

With shaking hands Charlie poors another glass of cheap gin, puts the bottle away and slowly lifts the glass to his lips and takes a sip. Slowly the color returns to his cheeks and the shakes goes away. Charlie smiles as he feels the presence of his old friend in the room and the warmth he brings. Another sip; more warmth. A gulp and Charlie is smiling broadly now with a satisfied look in his eyes. All day he has been thinking of that old friend of his; just waiting 'til he gets home so he can meet him. His friend loves him still.

Remarks from Senator John McCain
November 4, 2008

---

Thank you. Thank you, my friends. Thank you for coming here on this beautiful Arizona evening.

My friends, we have -- we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly. A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Senator Barack Obama to congratulate him on being elected the next president of the country that we both love.

In a contest as long and difficult as this campaign has been, his success alone commands my respect for his ability and perseverance. But that he managed to do so by inspiring the hopes of so many millions of Americans who had once wrongly believed that they had little at stake or little influence in the election of an American president is something I deeply admire and commend him for achieving.

This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and for the special pride that must be theirs tonight.

I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Senator Obama believes that, too. But we both recognize that though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation and denied some Americans the full blessings of American citizenship, the memory of them still had the power to wound.

A century ago, President Theodore Roosevelt's invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage in many quarters. America today is a world away from the cruel and prideful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the election of an African American to the presidency of the United States. Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the greatest nation on Earth.

Senator Obama has achieved a great thing for himself and for his country. I applaud him for it, and offer in my sincere sympathy that his beloved grandmother did not live to see this day, though our faith assures us she is at rest in the presence of her creator and so very proud of the good man she helped raise.

Senator Obama and I have had and argued our differences, and he has prevailed. No doubt many of those differences remain. These are difficult times for our country, and I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face.

I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together, to find the necessary compromises, to bridge our differences, and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited.

Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans. And please believe me when I say no association has ever meant more to me than that.

It is natural tonight to feel some disappointment, but tomorrow we must move beyond it and work together to get our country moving again. We fought as hard as we could.

And though we fell short, the failure is mine, not yours.

I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends. The road was a difficult one from the outset. But your support and friendship never wavered. I cannot adequately express how deeply indebted I am to you.

I am especially grateful to my wife, Cindy, my children, my dear mother and all my family and to the many old and dear friends who have stood by my side through the many ups and downs of this long campaign. I have always been a fortunate man, and never more so for the love and encouragement you have given me.

You know, campaigns are often harder on a candidate's family than on the candidate, and that's been true in this campaign. All I can offer in compensation is my love and gratitude, and the promise of more peaceful years ahead.

I am also, of course, very thankful to Governor Sarah Palin, one of the best campaigners I have ever seen and an impressive new voice in our party for reform and the principles that have always been our greatest strength. Her husband Todd and their five beautiful children with their tireless dedication to our cause, and the courage and grace they showed in the rough-and-tumble of a presidential campaign. We can all look forward with great interest to her future service to Alaska, the Republican Party and our country.

To all my campaign comrades, from Rick Davis and Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter, to every last volunteer who fought so hard and valiantly month after month in what at times seemed to be the most challenged campaign in modern times, thank you so much. A lost election will never mean more to me than the privilege of your faith and friendship.

I don't know what more we could have done to try to win this election. I'll leave that to others to determine. Every candidate makes mistakes, and I'm sure I made my share of them. But I won't spend a moment of the future regretting what might have been.

This campaign was and will remain the great honor of my life. And my heart is filled with nothing but gratitude for the experience and to the American people for giving me a fair hearing before deciding that Senator Obama and my old friend Senator Joe Biden should have the honor of leading us for the next four years.

I would not be an American worthy of the name, should I regret a fate that has allowed me the extraordinary privilege of serving this country for a half a century. Today, I was a candidate for the highest office in the country I love so much. And tonight, I remain her servant. That is blessing enough for anyone and I thank the people of Arizona for it.

Tonight, more than any night, I hold in my heart nothing but love for this country and for all its citizens, whether they supported me or Senator Obama, I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent and will be my president.

And I call on all Americans, as I have often in this campaign, to not despair of our present difficulties but to believe always in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here.

Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history, we make history.

Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you all very much.

Me: I really love shorts
X: You're not afraid to show your hairy legs?
Me: My hairy legs are the least of my problems.
Me: I should have a bag over my face instead.
X: Stop it.
Me: A bag marked with "Ugly".
X: STOP!
Me: Yeah, you're right, I need a whole-body burkha.

- Censurerat innehåll -

Far away from home and familiar faces
I find myself thinking back to a place
Where living was easy and I knew
Knew the Flower of the North
Softly and tenderly I still whisper her name
X, beautiful gal I left behind

When the moon shines bright and nights lies still
I look at the moon and wonder
Wonder if you're watching the moon with me
Wondering how it'd be to watch it together
Not separated by miles of distant land
To hold your hand and whisper words of love
X, lovely gal I left behind

Sometimes my lonely apartment can't hold me
I leave the place and head for open ground
Take a long walk to have a chance
A chance to survive this mental prison
The prison my heart built for me with out you
X, future bright I left behind

Now I know what my heart has said to me for long
It has said that I've already found love
I don't got it but still it warms me enough
I'm content with the happiness I already got
Come tomorrow and I'll see you once again
X, my only Gal I left behind

My hear just ain't content to stay
Yet not place except home has been enough
When I'm far away from home I go to move
I take my walkin' shoes and leave
Gotta find a piece of land to give peace of mind
Find a wife to settle down with
Only then will this rambling man find peace

"Move over if you see me
I can't be stopped for long
My feet never ache on the road
Many miles to go before I settle"

People wonder how I can leave everything
Leave familiar faces and beloved ones
For a distant vision of somethings better
Something, somewhere waiting for just me
Maybe I'll find it or just die trying
But I gotta try or go insane not
Only then will this rambling man find peace

"Chorus"

But there's words a man told me once
Words I haven't forgotten, no never I will
Wise words that seem more and more True
He looked at my wary soul and then he said:
'Maybe you've already found what your soul needs
Both of us knows what it is but you still wander
Only then will this rambling man find peace is' what he said

"Chorus"

Move over if you see me
I can't be stopped for long
My feet never ache on the road
Many miles to go before I settle
Many miles to go before I'm back home
Back home where I left what I need
Left my heart and peace of mind
Not a place but a love did I already find

Savage är ett ord som du märker på att det används en hel del av både mig och HST (korrekt) men det beror på att det är svårt att hitta ett annat bra ord för det hela. Jag övervägde först att använda mig av "beastial" men även det ordet användes av HST (samt en hel del av Tom Waitts) så det skulle inte heller få mig ur knipan.

Eftersom jag valde mig av "savage" utan en tanke på HST eller Gonzo så tycker jag inte det är särskilt gonzoaktigt. Det kunde vart värre om jag kört med "fear and loathing" eller "atavistic endeavour" men så korkad är jag ej.

Min karaktärsbeskrivning kan vara lik Hunters då (eller snarare Hunterinspirerat som du sa), det är jag inte en bra bedömare för. Vissa ord lämpar sig inte för objektivt skrivande och det är helt sant men du missar poängen. Bekant? Vi får se, herr Anonym.



So long,

John J. Righteous Hypocrite





PS. Nu jävlas jag på riktigt, ja. DS.

As I lay sleepless yesternight (?) I started thinking about Truth and came up with this little gem of mine:

"The Truth is not an objective thing; if enough people believe something then it's the Truth."